I'm a forward moving force.

My trainer told me it was time to be serious this week and drop some pounds.  I haven't done that in a month.  I have told him it is not his fault.  It is my eating and my lack of motivation on a minute to minute basis.  I have overall motivation but when I am busy in whatever it is I am doing and I get hungry it sometimes gets lost and I grab something easy or "snack" worthy in my junk food mind!  My weight is connected to my food intake.  I workout and run and burn calories daily.  My metabolism is slow as a slug though and I make poor food choices.  I don't eat a ton, but my choices could be better.  I also need to drink more water.  I have not disappeared though.  I may be fickle about certain things (like starting and stopping my blog), but I continually do my workouts.  

I want my workouts to be more powerful though.  We all sometimes just slug through our workouts.  Get it done but at a 70% level instead of a 100%.  I want more 100% days.  I think I have found what I am allergic too as well.  Last month I went through two rounds of steroids because my skin was broken out.  Well last week I was without my buspar for four days.  I ran out Thanksgiving and my doctor wasn't in until that next Monday.  When I got it and took on Tuesday I broke out immediately again.  So I took until Friday and have stopped.  This is not good because I really love my buspar.  It really helps my anxiety levels a lot.  So I have to pray about talking with my doctor about trying something else or not.  I remember how drastic of a change I felt when I started it.  I also remember how I packed on 15 pounds over night.  I was in a different place when I started it and I needed it badly.  I may not be there any longer, but I am sure that more stressors will come.  They are around every single corner.  It is always a fine line to teeter on how much you hand over to faith and allow for God and yourself to handle and grow versus what you take something for.  I will pray on it.

Today I ran 3 minutes and skipped 3 minutes alternating for 30 minutes.

I did a lot of plank and core exercises.  

Weight 149

I did not do measurements in December because I am certain they were similar to my starting measurements in October.  

If some people think that I roller coaster on weight and ambition and motivation - good.  I think I am a real example of a real life.  We all go through periods where we struggle with whatever it is we are pushing for.  But I hope I also can show that even in the struggles, changes need to be life changes.  Not fad diets.  Not something temporary and full force.  But stable life long changes  in a positive direction.  And that is something I excel at. 

November 21, 2015

I got to run 45 minutes today and it was exhausting but felt lovely.  I am happy I got to do that.  I was nervous the entire run because my children were at the playground where I was running and for most of the run I couldn't see them.  It is a struggle to get runs in when I have them with me the whole day.

This entire month I have felt blah but I have never taken the mindset of giving up.  Nope!  Not me!!

Weight:  149
Run:  4 miles
Pace 10:58 per mile

Day 47

I often have people send me messages about my transparency and how it is appreciated.  Thank you friends.  I will continue to be as transparent as possible.  I have struggled with my mood for years now.  I get down and unmotivated.  When that happens I have a hard time staying motivated.  I don't need anyone to over read that.  I believe that every single person gets down and out and lacks motivation.  Surely I am not alone.

My knee has been hurt and it has stopped me from running.  I have eaten horribly.  Too much food and poor quality of food.  I have had multiple days where I have not put in full quality and effort in my workouts.  We all go through this and it isn't unique to me.

What is unique for a few of us in the world is that we won't let it stop us.  I may pause and I may have to pull myself up by my boot straps so to speak.  But I always do and it is just a matter of time.  I have felt down the last few weeks due to a few issues I have had going on and dealing with.  Rest assured though it is just a pause and not permanent.

I am going to go on a 30 minute run today and I pray that my knee holds up well and doesn't hurt.

It is that lovely time of my month when I retain a bit of everything...so my weight is higher than normal.  But I had gained back 5 of the 10 I had lost.  I will lose it again.  Try...try again...try yet again until you read your goal.

Weight: 149

November 9, 2015

My daughter wanted to spend the night with her dad last night.  She doesn't do well with the custody schedule and we try to let her go back and forth as she desires.  She is so attached to both of us that we find it important.  When she was cuddling with me tonight she said that she cried in bed with daddy last night.  I asked her why and she said she missed me.  I showed concern and she said, "I can miss someone that I'm not with."   This girl is brilliant and smart.  She is loving and caring.  I pray that she will grow up strong and healthy and with a deep love of both of her parents.

My left knee is still sore to the touch.  It doesn't hurt inside but I am waiting until it doesn't hurt when I touch it before I aggravated it again.  I have had some good workouts since I haven't ran but it doesn't feel the same without my runs. I am lacking motivation and feel tired and blah.  But it will return so I will just keep pushing through!

Weight 147

November 7, 2015

I went running Thursday evening and my left knee got very irritated with me.  It was screaming at me!  Yesterday I had to wear a brace all day.  I told Ty, my trainer that it felt like everything was going against my training the last couple of weeks.  Washington interrupted my training, then I hurt my cornea with my contact removal and now my knee.  I have gained back four pounds and have eaten horribly this week.  But it will all be okay.  I am still getting my workouts in and will progress with running.  I have to cut back out carbs.  I do so much better when I don't have carbs.  When I am eating carbs I feel like I go completely out of control in all other areas as well.

Today I got in a great little workout and my oldest son did a lot of it with me.  Me and my children spent the together shopping around the mall area and even went inside the mall which we never do.  We had a lovely movie night and watched Home.  I was not impressed with the movie and spent too much renting it.

I am hoping to get some fish and veggies and quinoa and other great healthy food after church tomorrow and get back to getting rid of the pounds that are temporarily hanging around.

Weight: 147.4

November 3, 2015

I was still sore today but I was determined to get back on my workout!  My eye detoured me.  It always seems to be something.  I remember how it is so easy to get off track with our life goals.  Last week was Washington and then I had a couple of good days workouts and then I hurt my eye.  If I wanted to let it these two things could derail me.  But I am currently very motivated and I refuse to let that happen.  Because of that motivation I am able to recognize the pitfalls.  I notice when I don't workout everyday, I eat worse.  There was halloween where I ate too many carbs in the form of buns and candy.  I then also ate some cheese dip tonight and too many corn chips.  It is so easy to fall back in to the same patterns.

I called ViSalus, which I have been a promoter for since 2012 and asked for a refund on recent product and found out how to cancel that promotership.  I will locate another product to replace that.  That was a good step I feel.  I also have now signed up for my half marathon.  I will wait a little bit to sign up for the full until I have saved up some more money.

Weight: 145.5
Run: 3 miles, pace 10:30
Workout: a ton of squats and lunges to assist with already sore back side!

November 2, 2015

I did not get to do my workout today. I was very sore from yesterday's run and I did not have time to fit it in.

Onward to tomorrow!